Saturday, February 28, 2015

Where is Mr. Jolly's Ranch?

Where is Mr. Jolly's Ranch?
Where is Mr. Jolly's Ranch?
Where is Mr. Jolly's Ranch?


It's at the end of Sheridan Road in Sunol. The GPS coordinates are 37.537549, -121.871749. But don't go there. It isn't safe to go where you are not wanted.

But if you're not going to listen to me, this is what you do. Travel on Calaveras Road and go through Ed Levin Park. Stay on Calaveras Road as you pass the reservoir. It's a pretty windy road. You'll pass the Sunol Water Treatment Plant and Valley Crest Tree. Then on the left there will be a road for Southland Contracting / Tutor Perini. Take that road even though it's probably private. Just act like you belong and that you're in too much of a hurry to explain.

When you get to Andrade Road, make a left. And then turn left on Sheridan Road. You'll want to take Sheridan Road until you come upon a gate that blocks the road. That's the entrance to Mr. Jolly's Ranch. But heed the signs! Don't ring the bell! Don't go past the gate! His ranch is guarded by Dobermans and they all have a bad attitude. 

If you want Jolly Ranchers, buy them at Walgreens. Don't go to Mr. Jolly's ranch. He's a grouchy old guy who sits around all day and watches Fox News and if you ask him for any Jolly Ranchers he'll either spit at you, shoot you, or tell you to get a job. 

Mr. Jolly doesn't even like me anymore. He might not even remember me. That's what happens when you get old -- sometimes.

One more thing. If you see cows, they probably aren't cows. So, you've been warned.

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